New York State Of Mind
by IndentityCrisis
Summary: Jess asks Rory to move with him to New York, she says yes. This is what happens when All the characters go crazy. its only funny to a deranged psycopath such as myself, read it at your own parel. Chapter 3 sux but im too lazy to rewrite. COMPLETE
1. Carrots

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls. WB does. Screw them. They need more of an imagination! Why is Jackson the only one interested in carrots? Grrrr… anyway I also don't own Yale or Albert Einstein or Political Correctness or C-span or Yu-Gi-Oh cards or Harley Davidsons. I DEFINATLY don't own Harry potter. That's WB too (and J.K but she doesn't count… this is a media thing). Roxanne belongs to some weirdo 80's singer and stilettos are Italian (I think). And pimped-out rides are inspired by that MM show. Pretty much the only thing I own is that carrot (muahahaha!) the puddle that Jess becomes (HeHe sweat) and all the OOC characters for the WB people. HeHe. Take no offense, this is a joke story, I really love the show (but Dean pisses me off.) Expect more chapters when I'm feeling hyper! HeHeHawHawHardiHarHar! Enjoy!**

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"Come with me Rory! Move with me to New York!"

"Drop out of school?" Rory was said dumbly. Jess had appeared at her dorm without warning.

"Yes! Come with me Rory! I love you!" Rory was amazed. She loved Jess, and she missed him a lot. Ever since that day at Liz's wedding, she had yearned for his company. It was weird. I mean, she liked Dean too, it was just…. She liked Jess more. He could understand what she was talking about when she wrote a newspaper article. Dean would read it, but he wouldn't be able to talk about it. _I guess he's kind of stupid_ she thought. Rory sighed.

"I don't know Jess…. My whole life is here. I'm going to school and I have the paper…." She trailed off. True, life had been hectic lately. But did she want to just run away? _Yes, I'm sick of this whole perfect world! I want to see some dirt! Yale is so frigin clean! Grrrrrr! _She got frustrated and made up her mind.

"If you don't enjoy it with me, you can come back. Just please, Rory, give me a chance! Please, my love! Oh, my love!" She looked at him. He seemed so sincere. She really _did_ want to start a new life.

"Oh Jess, how am I going to tell everybody? I love you so much! Oh!" She was being ridiculous. This was stupid, out of the question. But she was still doing it, why? Because she needed a change, That's why. Her life had fallen into a rut lately. Everything was the same. _I'm soooo bored, I want some action!_

"Oh Rory! Come here!" He enveloped her in a hug.

"Jess, my room is this way, let's go pack!" She took his hand, leading him to her dorm room.

"Can we do anything else in that room?" He smiled in a sly manner.

"Oh you! I just….I just love you so much! Do you know how much I missed you? Do you know how much I missed having intelligent conversations? All I had was Einstein out there." She indicated to the door, and stuck out her tongue at it.

Jess laughed. "Nobody ever accused Dean of being smart, he's just a little more P.C. than I am." He leaned down and kissed her. She ran her fingers through his hair. _Oh, how I missed his hair!_

"Jess, what am I going to tell my mom?" She whispered. He distracted her by running his hands down her waist. Rory giggled.

* * *

Dean was outside the room, leaning against a wall, worrying. What was that rebel Jess doing here? Hadn't he learned that he wasn't welcome around Rory? He didn't have any doubt that Rory was setting his straight at that very moment. What if Jess started causing trouble though? Maybe Rory needed his help! Dean to the rescue!

He stood up straight. Right then, Dean heard a screaming laughter coming from inside the dorm. _Rory!_ He shoved his way inside. The door to Rorys room was closed. Dean heard whispers and smooches coming from the other side. _No! That sicko Jess is raping her!_

"Rory! Don't worry! I'm coming!" Dean broke down the door.

* * *

"Oh my god! Dean, what the hell do you think you are doing? You broke the doorframe!" Wood splinters rained on the half-naked Rory and Jess.

"I'm coming to save you Rory! Just like superman!" He stood in the opening, hands on his hips, smiling. Kriptonite started playing.

"You are an idiot, you idiot! The door wasn't even locked! Jesus!" Jess got up, slid his shirt on and punched Dean in the face. Stunned, Dean fell flat on his butt. His legs stuck out straight in front of him.

"Hey! That hurt! I was just coming to protect my property!" He pouted at Jess. It was not pretty, his right eye was swelling up.

"Since when is Rory your property? You sexist retard!" Jess spat in Deans face. The guy started to cry.

"When sob did I ever sob talk about Rory? sob She has my Yu-Gi-Oh cards in her sob pocket! I assumed that with all the…errr…. Moving sob you were doing on top of her, sob My cards would get squished. whimper"

"Here, you big baby." Rory threw Deans deck of cards at him. "I only wanted to see how many you had that I didn't. I was hoping you'd give me your doubles." She spat on her ex-boyfriend. "I have quite an impressive deck, you know." She added, bragging to her new-old-ex-boyfriend.

"I can see that." He smiled, staring at her chest.

Rory slapped him. "I'm going to go pack."

Dean sucked his thumb. "Why is she packing?" He whined.

"She's moving to New York with me." He rubbed the cheek where Rory had hit him. "Now get out before I call the cops for vandalism." He kicked him.

Dean whimpered, muttered. "This really isn't my day." And started rolling out the dorm. Paris walked in.

"Who are you and why are you rolling on my floor, you 23 IQ'ed construction worker." Paris stepped on him. Her stiletto dug right into his spine.

"Ouf. Ya, I'm….just….leaving." He started singing the theme song for Jaws.

"Whatever, looser." Barely sparing Rory and Jess a glance, she collapsed onto the couch and started watching C-Span.

Dragging out Rorys' suitcase, the two jumped into Jesss' car and sped down the road. They could barely keep each other's hands to themselves.

"Jess! Oh Dearest Jess! Pull over, please! I can't keep this longing suppressed any longer! I love you! I love you! Oh Jess!" They parked in a ditch, ripping each other's cloths off. Steam covered the windows. Rory put her hand against the glass, creating a streak in the fog similar to the one made by Rose in 'the Titanic'. A police officer came out of nowhere and tapped on the window with a flashlight.

"Yes, officer?" Jess opened the driver side door, revealing a heated match of strip-Yu-Gi-Oh. Rory was in a bra and jeans. Jess only had on his boxers.

"What's going on here, kids?" The police officer was younger than they were.

"How desperate is the force? They sent a twelve-year-old?" The kid smiled sheepishly.

"Well," He said. "I'm not really on the police force, it's only a Halloween costume. Do you want a carrot?"

"Gimmee!" Rory grabbed the vegetable out of his hand.

"Wow, it's already Halloween? How long have we been playing cards?" Jess screamed. The boy's face had turned green and had grown warts.

"Its not Halloween, you dork! I am coming to kill you!" The monster reached for Rory. She slapped him.

"Ouuuuuuuch! I'm going to tell Tailor!" Kirk took off the monster mask.

"Get out of here, Kirk. Were playing Yu-Gi-Oh, strip style." Rory tried to close the door.

"Can I play?" He stood in her way. "I have a rather powerful deck, if I do say so myself." He took out his Yu-Gi-Oh cards.

"You so do not." Jess was staring at Kirks chest.

"I do! I'll show you!" He climbed into the car and took off his jacket.

"Whoa! Man! Calm down! Ewwww! I'll pay you to leave!" Jess was covering Rorys eyes.

"Fifty dollars with a seventeen buck tip if I leave the cool monster mask? Ten more if I leave the twelve-year-old disguise too?" He grabbed Jess by the shoulders and started to shake him. Jess was limp in the mans grip.

"Wadwadawadawadawadawadawadawadawadawadawadawadawada!" Finaly Rory knocked Kirk out with a slash of her purse.

"Thanks, doll. What do you keep in there anyway? Bricks?" He stuck his head out the door and threw up, all over Kirk.

"Nice," She commented. "No, I always have a copy of Harry Potter IV in case of emergency, like that. Its way heavier than a brick." She took it out and started reading.

"But….Babe! I want your attention!" He started to cry.

"Harry saved your life, Jess. At least you could let him tell his story." She started reading out loud.

"Noooooooo!" Jess started wailing. Suddenly, Kirk woke up.

"I can recite that entire book off by heart!" He started reciting the entire book off by heart.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh! Nnnoooooooooo!" Jess started to melt. "All I wanted to do was move to New York!" He was a puddle on the floor of his car. The puddle had a face.

"Do you know why you are a puddle Jess?" Lorelai stood in the open car door.

He tried to shake his head. "I don't even have a goddamn head!" He yelped.

"No need to get all excited Jess." Luke was there.

"Why am I a puddle? Why can't Rory and Kirk stop reading from Harry Potter IV?" He was hysterical.

"They have stopped, look!" Lorelai pointed at Rory and Kirk, they were making out. (a/n. ok I'm a deranged psychopath, sue me!)

"Rory!" Cried Jess and Dean in unison. The puddle strangled Kirk and Dean rolled Rory into the forest.

"_Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light! You don't have to sell your body to the night!"_

The music wafted out of nowhere. Or well, the convertible was called Nowhere, and it had a huge sound-system. Nowhere was speeding down a hill (where did the hill come from?) and into Jesss' car.

"Noooooooo!" Luke jumped in front of the junker, trying to protect Kirk.

"How stupid can you get?" Lorelai put out her hand and a wind-tunnel opened in its palm. She sucked the pimped-out car into oblivion.

"What the motha fu…." You could here the gangsta dudes scream before they completely disappeared. An I-Pod Mini was all that was left.

"Cool!" Lorelai picked it up.

"Gimmee!" Rory grabbed it and put it in her mouth.

"Rory!" Dean came rolling back out of the forest. It seemed he couldn't remember how to walk.

"Rory!" The puddle sloshed out of the car. The pale corpse of Kirk fell out behind him.

"Jess!" Rory started making out with the puddle.

"Oh come on!" Dean wailed. "He is a Goddamn PUDDLE! How can you still pick him over me? Jessus! I'm leaving this freak show!" Dean started to roll away.

"Oh no you don't buddy. I'm feeling hungry." Lorelai skewered Dean with her fingernails and started to eat him.

"Aw mom!" Rory whined. "I asked you not to eat my boyfriends!" She took a dagger out of her bra and stole Dean's arm.

"Oh well, now that he's dead I might as well gnaw on him for awhile." Rory stuck the entire arm into her mouth.

"Lets go Rory, we want to get to New York before my gang gets back from San Francisco because if they get there first they'll get pissed that I didn't water their petunias." The puddle started sloshing towards the car.

"OK, I guess this is good bye mom." Rory started sobbing uncontrollably. Lorelai flipped the bird at her daughter and she and Luke sped off on a Harley into the night. Then an explosion came from where they had just gone. Rory stood there for five minutes until they came crawling back.

"Can I hitch a ride?" Luke asked. He had lost half of his face.

"Ya, but we only have one seat because Kirk is in there and so is my suitcase. Sorry mom." Jess's car left a bloody Lorelai lying on the ground, swearing at the stupidity of human kind.

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**HeHe. Review! Flame me! Fame me! Frame me! Do whatever tickles your fancy but I really really really really really really really really want feedback! In the next chapter Jess and Rory will go to New York! They might even meet Jess's gang! I know that they are all Out of Character but I did that on purpose. HeHe Muahahahahaa!**

**Later, dudes**

**Identitycrisis**

**(and review! Click it! Its right there!)**


	2. Corn

**I swear that am not as deranged and disgusting as my story suggests. If you do not like suggestive content … well, you should not have read the first chapter, let alone this one. I, personally, do not think corn is sexy; neither do I fantasize about carrots. It's just, I have this belief that Rory is in love with vegetables, and that she will never feel complete until she is one, and married to one. Jess is stupid in this chapter, so is everyone else. And I really DO believe that the girls in pink at the mall are really truckers in disguise! And I don't mean to offend any blonde people! I know some totally awesome blondes! I just wanted to cliché this Shiite-y story. Ok, take no offense, this is a joke story.  
Disclaimer: Corn is … errr … not mine? Neither is the south park reference or the star trek slash suggestion. Scarecrows are from the wizard of OZ, SO THERE YOU DOROTHY WANA-BEE WEIRDOS WHO STALK ME TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO SUE ME FOR SUMTHIN! GET A LIFE! Lol, hehe. Anyway, Wheel of Fortune is for that trucker who wears pink and points at the words, I think. La Senza may not have male mannequins but they do have the name. Brian Adams belongs to the city of West Vancouver and the Ewoks. Kung Foo is Kung Foo is Kung Foo. Do I have to elaborate? Ok, so here is earth.**

Jess and Rory were speeding through a cornfield. The highway was right beside them, but Jess couldn't figure out how to get onto it. I guess it didn't really help that he was a puddle.  
"Oooooohhhh! Jesssjess! Look at all the sights! It's so beautiful! The yellow corn peeking out from behind the protective green husks! It's so sexy! I … just … want … one!" At this point, Rory was leaning out the car window, reaching like a maniac at the corn that was speeding past their window.  
"Ahhhhhhhh!" She battle cried. Jess was staring wide-eyed at the seat lining, trying not to notice that his girlfriend was having a crisis.  
"Is it that time of the month again, baby doll?" He muttered finally, she had started to rip at the vegetables with her teeth as they flew by the open window.  
"I HATE it when guys say that! It is called my period! Eeeeeeeewwww… ok! Get over it!" She added a gob of spit to his increasingly dirty puddle-self.  
"Sorry," He sobbed, and turned onto the highway.  
"Scarecrow!" Rory screeched, pointing to the cornfield.  
"Where!" Jess pulled back off the highway.  
"There! Get it! Grrahh!" She pulled the scarecrow into the car through the window.  
"Yes!" They cried together. Rory pulled rough cobs off the stuffed man, and Jess wrapped himself around the figure, finally having a somewhat humanoid shape.  
At this point, Kirk and Luke both sat up simultaneously and said, "Oh, my god, you killed Kenny! Mr. Spock will have revenge for his fallen lover!" They then proceeded to fall back, unconscious, onto the rusty floor in the back seat.  
Oblivious to them, Jess and Rory were making out instead of watching the road. In a painfully cliché moment, a ginormous truck came barreling towards them.  
Jess looked up. "No! Not a ginormous truck, but a ginormous trucker in a teensy-weenie clown-car." They squished it without blinking an eye.  
"Maybe this would be a good time to move back onto the right side of the road." Rory suggested, "But that's only a suggestion. The script writer said so." She stuck her tongue out at the invisible scriptwriter. Jess grabbed it with his and kissed her.  
"But if we were in England," he said when it broke off, "We would be on the right … err, left side of the road." Nevertheless, he turned off the left side of the road and back onto the right (literally).  
"Its time for Wheel … Ofvvvv … Fortunnnne!" Luke was awake again, mimicking the movements of a game-show contestant, yet oblivious to the rest of the car.  
"Rory, what did you put in his coffee?" Jess wondered aloud.  
"I don't know, some yellow stuff. I didn't give any to Kirk though." She pondered, all too like her IC character. "I really should stop pondering." She stopped pondering. "Good. Now, I need to come to a conclusion." She came to a conclusion. "Kirk is crazy. I need to know whether that is the right conclusion." Nothing happened. "Stupid scriptwriter!" She started tearing at her face.  
"Chill out, honey bum. We'll put some music on." Jess inserted a Brian Adams tape into his C.D player. He and Kirk started to sing.  
"Ahhhhhh! … NNOOOOOOO! … Damn it! … Stupid God-damn Brian Adams… NOOOOOO! I happen to be …. meeeeelltiinnggggggg! … Aaaaaaaahhhhh! Grog." She fell silent. A puke green puddle lay where Rory Gilmore once sat.  
"Hey, you're like me!" Jess exclaimed joyously. He threw Rory out the window.  
"What the … ahhhhhh!" She was sloshed into the face of Lorelei, who had let Nowhere out of her palm, ate its occupants, stolen the car and chased after Rory.  
"Mommy, mommy, ooohhh! I missed you!" She tried to kiss her mom on the cheek.  
"You are soooo not my daughter." She threw Rory back into Jesss' car.  
"Thanks, Lore!" Jess gave Kirk a noogy and sent him back into a state of unconsciousness.  
Rory swore and stared at a tuft of stuffing popping out of the seat for the rest or the trip.  
They finally drove into New York after tossing Luke into Nowhere. Jess circled a shopping mall for an hour, then parked in an occupied illegal parking space beside an empty legal one. He ran, screaming, through a herd of pink-clothed blondes and smashed through the window of "La Senza" He grabbed the first mannequin he saw. The mannequin happened to be a male thong model, but he didn't pay any attention.  
"Here Rory!" He dumped the large plastic man onto his girlfriend. She, grudgingly, wrapped herself around it, only to find a completely alien set of genitals.  
"Oh, my god. You were in La Senza, you frigin' idiot! How can you have gotten the only male model there?" She started wailing as the herd of blondes transformed into dirty truckers and started to chase them.  
"Ahhhhh!" Kirk screamed like a little girl. "Rory has a package! Yuck-y!" He kung-foo'd the truckers as Jess pulled out of the parking space.  
"I wanna wanna wanna go to a motel and sleep!" Kirk whined right after they had passed the only vacant motel in town.  
"God, Kirk, couldn't you have said you needed to use the bathroom before we left?"  
"I don't need to use the bathroom!" He sung in a deep base voice. Suddenly he had a scary toupee sitting like road kill on his scalp.  
"Don't deny it Kirk. I can see the wet spot." Rory said, a male-model-ish expression on her face.

"That wet spot is underneath Jess! I want to go to sleep but this car is smelly!" His face turned green.

"Jess! I can't believe you wet your puddle!" Rory pouted. "That's so gross!"

"Shut up! It's my little problem! Don't make fun of me!" He made a U-turn and they dropped Kirk off at a Motel.

"Whatever. Are we there yet?" She did the typical three-year-old-in-a-car act.

"Yes" He pulled into a parking space in front of a merry-go-round covered in flowers.

"What exactly is this, Jessjess?" She tentatively explored the abandoned amusement park ride. "It doesn't have walls." She stated finally, and collapsed onto a padded nylon seat. Jess crept in with her and had scary dreams about what his gang would do when they met Rory.

**Ahahaha! Only one more chapter guys, then the trilogy of psycotysism will be OVER! To end it sooner, please review, for that causes me to write quiker. I shall answer all reviews at the end of CH.3 so if you feel unnoiced, stop it. Ok, push ze lil button down there on the left side of the screen, or else, I WILL TURN YOU INTO A PUDDLE!**


	3. Cauliflower

**This is the end…Ya…This chapter kinda sux… but I didn't know how to end it. Ok… so… Don't expect a sequel… If you read the end you will know why… I might write another stupidfic….. but I might not…MUAHAHAHA! I have the power!**

_**Disclaimer: Popeye is not mine… only in matrimony… ya… I married Popeye… heh…Spandex and Hercules and Pennies are not mine…WAIT! I do have a bunch of Pennies! Pennies ARE mine! Woot! Cross-dressing and being drunk is not for me… Hillary Duff is a martian… she belongs to her leader… Regis Philbman is the property of Kelly Ripa… That is my final verdict! Spanish belongs to people who can speak it. Britney Spears belongs in Hell. Gloria Gaynor belongs in some other era and Y-Gi-Oh will never change hands, no matter how many times it is traded. The Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy is the property of the deceased Douglas Adams. The show is obviously not mine… but the mime is! **_

_**Oh ya… Mariah Carry is…not mine…thank god…** _

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The gang came in at four in the mourning. They found Jess asleep on the nylon-seat-for-people-who-couldn't-mount-a-horse and Rory snoring loudly on the ground, gnawing on a piece of cauliflower.

"Hey! That's my cauliflower!" A man, who looked like Popeye, cap and all, grabbed the slobbery vegetable out of Rory's mouth.

"But I thought…" Rory mumbled in her sleep, "You liked…" All nine of the weird gang members leaned forward to listen "… Spinach." She finished and plucked the cauliflower out of the man's hand while gracefully returning to a deep slumber.

"_I'm Popeye the Sailor Man_

_I'm Popeye the Sailor Man_

I'm strong to the finich 

_Cause I eats me _**cauliflower**

_I'm Popeye the Sailor Man_

_I'm one tough gazookus_

_Which hates all palookas_

Wot ain't on the up and square 

_I biffs 'em and buffs 'em_

_An' always outroughs 'em_

_An' none of 'em gets nowhere_

_If anyone dasses to risk me fisk_

_It's "boff" and its "wham", un'erstand_

_So, keep good behavior_

_That's your one life saver_

_With Popeye the Sailor Man._

I'm Popeye the Sailor Man 

_I'm Popeye the Sailor Man_

_I'm strong to the finich_

_Cause I eats me _**cauliflower, damn it!**

_I'm Popeye the Sailor Man"_ Doug sang his theme song.

"Shut up Doug." Jess sleep-mumbled. Douge had been allowed into the gang because he was though and provided a never-ending source of food. Well, cauliflower, but at least they never got scurvy. Unfortunately, he was obsessed with Popeye, and randomly broke into song.

"Does something look… _strange_, about those two?" Bert, the leader who always wore spandex, looked at Rory-puddle, who was wrapped around a mannequin, and at Jess-puddle, who had bits of hay sticking out of him.

"Not really. They are a bit fleshy, but nothing unusual." Said Penelope, a man with a nose piercing and biceps that would make Hercules quiver.

"Shut up Penny. They look hot." Fred, Penelopes' girlfriend glared at him. Needless to say, she was drunk.

"Needless to say," She still said. "I'm drunk." And collapsed in a ball beside Rory.

"Fred's out, I'm pooped." Cross-dressin' cross-dressin' Kelly said, and mounted her favorite pink horse.

Bert snapped his spandex shorts and licked his lips. Nobody knew what this meant but he did it a lot anyway.

Hillary Duff flipped her hair and Regis Philbman bit his nails. They were the only two celebrities in their gang. Strangely enough, they were the biggest embarrassment you could throw on a group of people who wanted to look though. Hillary only smiled sickeningly at the cops and Regis was always so nervous that he kept twitching. He had shot himself in the foot twelve times now. Plus they both wasted a lot of cash on clothes. Bert had killed Alice Cooper because he had spent the gang's food for a year on face makeup and leather pants.

Another member of the gang who everybody called simply 'Mime', was miming getting ready for bed. Once he started miming that he was going to the bathroom, Bert had to snap his spandex shorts and lick his lips to make him stop. Mime bowed, and fell asleep on top of his invisible box.

Llamaron el miembro pasado de la cuadrilla señor y él podría hablar solamente español. El señor no sabía dormir; él podría sonreír solamente. Él estaba parado sobre todos en la noche que sonreía. La mayoría de las noches él startled a alguien tanto que lo golpearon inconsciente. Que el día Bert lamió simplemente a sus labios y señor bajó inconsciente. Alguna gente piensa que Bert es violento... ¿usted?

Finally Bert was the only one awake. He smiled and a few chipmunks fell dead in the forest. He pulled the blanket off Jess and sat down on the bed. He reached over to the CD player… slowly raised the volume and pushed play. Brittany Spear came blasting out of the speakers and everybody jolted awake.

"At last!" Bert had enough noise to sleep. He put in earplugs and fell into slumber-land. The rest of the gang (except Rory, she was still asleep. And Mime, he doesn't talk. Y Señor. Él era inconsciente.) grumbled, swore and screamed but Brittany did not stop wailing about her sex life. Finally the recording finished, but Mariah Carry was next in line. Nobody else knew how to stop the machine from working, so Jess started to cry.

"I don't think they belong together! If he left her, then why does she still think he's worth anything?" Suddenly Rory shot up.

"Good point, Jess! You left me… then you came crawling back!" She slapped him and stole his Yu-Gi-Oh trading cards. "Its like that song by Gloria Gaynor, 'I will survive!'" She looked around the carrousel and spotted Hilary Duff buried in a pile of shoes.

"Can I use your cell-phone?" Hillary giggled innocently and handed it over.

"Hey mom! Can you pick me up? I'm in New York… on a weird carousel thing-y…"

"I know honey." Lorelei stepped out of Nowhere, who had been parked right behind Jess's car.

"Goodbye Jess! I'm moving on!" She threw his Yu-Gi-Oh cards into the air and they floated down like confetti.

Jess wasn't watching. He was simply making out with Kirk.

**And life goes on.**

Without Rory annoying him, Jess turned back into a real person. He and Kirk had a menage a troi with the scarecrow.

Without Jess to annoy her, Rory turned back into a solid human. She kept the mannequin in her dorm room and hooked up with a guy who worked on the newspaper with her, Logan's friend, Finn. They had fifteen babies and moved to Timbuktu.

Lorelei killed Luke and served him in his own diner to Miss Patty and Tailor, who had gotten married. Tailor took one bite and knew it was Luke's flesh. He paid Lorelei double and bought the diner.

Unfortunately none of this mattered because Earth was vaporized by the Vogons to make way for an inter-space bypass.

* * *

**Ya.. ok… its done. Here is a translation of all Mister says: **

_The last member of the gang was called Mister and he could only speak Spanish. Mister did not know how to sleep; he could only smile. He stood over everybody at night smiling. Most nights he startled somebody so much that they knocked him unconscious. That day Bert simply licked his lips and Mister fell unconscious. Some people think Bert is violent… Do you?_

**Review!**


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